Comment on the weather or how busy it is in the store, for example. If he is in your class, ask him about a homework assignment or what he thought about a test. Be sure that you approach him naturally, without seeming to find an excuse to speak to him. If you have to go out of your way to have any interaction, reflect on your motives. On TV and in movies, guys and girls are rarely simply “friends,” because at least one of them feels a romantic attraction for the other. You might have to have several short, informal interactions to get past any doubts about your motives.
This is especially useful if you are not sure that you two would really get along but want to explore the possibility. [2] X Research source It is also a casual way to ask someone to start a relationship without any pressure or commitment.
Consider where you usually see him. Does he share one of your hobbies, shop at the same store, run at the same park? If you see him at a concert, for example, ask him later what he thought of it, or for suggestions about similar groups to check out. If you both take guitar lessons at the same shop, start with a question about what he is currently learning to play, or how he motivates himself to practice everyday. If your first attempt at engaging him doesn’t pan out, don’t be discouraged. Unless you both love the same obscure band playing in your town this weekend, it will probably take a few conversations to figure out what your first ‘friend date’ could be.
Limit your questions to two or three topics. You don’t want to appear desperate to continue talking to him or to find something you have in common. Unless you get into an in-depth discussion about a topic you both really care about, limit your interactions to 5 or 10 minutes.
He might feel peer pressure if his friends are there to treat you like a potential love interest, or to assume that you are hitting on him. The presence of other people might create anxiety for one or both of you. If you are anxious, your request to hang out as friends might unintentionally come off as insincere.
Avoid statements like, “I think we should be friends,” or “We have a lot in common and should hang out sometime. ” These expressions imply saying yes to a “friend date” means committing to be in your life long-term. Telling him you like his personality and want to spend time together might put him on the defensive by sounding too much like a romantic interest. Keep your request casual. Don’t excessively explain why you want to hang out with him or offer too many choices of activities to share. Instead of saying, “Let’s go to a concert together sometimes,” you can say, “I’m going to see________ play this Friday. Want to come?”
Watch your tone of voice to ensure you are speaking like you do to your other friends. Girls tend to speak in a higher voice and talk more quickly when flirting with a new person. [6] X Research source Avoid touching him or entering his personal space. With the exception of a handshake or high five, don’t initiate physical contact since it is a universal sign of flirting. [7] X Research source If you already have a significant other, state that up front to express that you are not available for dating and just want to be friends. [8] X Research source If you get the impression that he is attracted to you or thinks it’s a date, be direct and tell you are only looking for companionship, not a boyfriend. [9] X Research source It is less likely to feel like a “date” if you invite him to join a group of friends. [10] X Research source Establish boundaries so there is clarity about the type of relationship you wish to share from the beginning. To keep the connection platonic, make sure to decline romantic gestures, to not blur the lines of physical contact and to split the tab for social activities.
Saying no doesn’t mean that he has no interest in hanging out with you. He may have another engagement that day. He might have had a bad experience at the club where your favorite band is playing and not want to go there. Perhaps he is very hesitant about starting new relationships too quickly due to past experiences with failed friendships. Respect his right to say no, and don’t assume it means he isn’t interested in doing something else at another time. Don’t push him by inviting him somewhere else immediately. Wait until you have another encounter with him to explore other possible mutual interests.
Sharing feelings establishes intimacy, and it is difficult to maintain romantic indifference to someone you feel really ‘gets’ you. Specifically avoid talking about your appearance or other friendships.
If he needs to talk to someone and has no one else, be a good friend by listening, but resist the urge to give advice. He may start wondering if you are trying to replace his girlfriend. Encourage him to talk to her about their issues instead by explaining why girls crave this type of intimacy with romantic partners. Be sure to do it from the perspective of his own growth and emotional development, not from any opinions about the girl he is dating. [13] X Research source
