Keep your compliments genuine with a narcissist. They often are successful people, but buttering them up too much will just inflate their ego even more. [2] X Research source Compliment them a lot in the beginning of your flirtation and then pull back. If the narcissist senses their validation supply is drying up, they’ll work harder to grab your attention (and praise).
Summarize what you heard and validate or acknowledge it in some way. [4] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Try not to interrupt or cut them off—narcissists love dominating the conversation. If you want to contribute, wait for a natural pause of segue to jump in. If you don’t agree with what they’re saying, just keep smiling and nodding. You can disregard what they say after the conversation is over.
Once a narcissist realizes your confidence won’t magically rub off on them, they may turn on you and take advantage of your trust, time, and empathy to make themselves feel bigger.
This doesn’t work as well when you highlight accomplishments in an area they feel confident in. They’ll see you as competition to take down rather than an impressive person to collect.
The way you look is transactional to a narcissist. If your look fits in with their self-image, they’ll consider you a valuable addition to their life. Even if the narcissist is attracted to your looks, they may still make negative comments about your appearance to lower your self-esteem. They do this because they’re self-conscious themselves, so don’t buy into their narrative!
For your sanity, try to talk with them about a topic you also like. They can easily talk for hours when they’re fired up about something. Narcissists get bored easily when they’re not interested in the conversation topic. Be flexible and willing to pivot subjects to keep them engaged.
Ask about low-stakes things like “Which brand of sparkling water should I bring to the picnic?” or “What’s the best park in the city to take my dog too?” Then if you don’t take their advice, it won’t be such a big deal. They’ll take it personally if you don’t follow their advice (they want to be a savior), so ask them about an issue you’re having where they might actually be knowledgeable.
This tactic will backfire if you flirt too hard with the other person. No one knows mind games like a narcissist, and they’ll see through your plan immediately if you lay it on too thick.
Say you’re busy when they try to make plans with you. Flirt but then suddenly lose interest in them. Act confident without expressing many emotions. [12] X Research source
A narcissist’s messages won’t always be nice. Some will try to butter you up with compliments and seductive comments, but some will hurl insults and lies at you just to get a reaction.
Constant compromising might get old if you’re starting a relationship with a narcissist. For your long-term sanity, set boundaries with them once you’re together.
Do not be critical or blame them. It may make them defensive. [16] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source For example, instead of criticizing their tendency to lash out, compliment their appearance during a tantrum or praise their “expressiveness. ” Narcissists are also drawn to people who forgive easily. They’ll pursue anyone who won’t hold a grudge or challenge them.
