Having some background information will be helpful as you’ll then have some conversation starters as well as an idea of whether or not you two would be compatible in a relationship.
If you two have anything in common (such as being in the same class or seeing each other at the same coffee shop frequently) start by talking about that. That way, you’ll have more of a reason to approach them and you’ll already have a topic that you can fall back on for conversation. Try saying something like, “Hey have I seen you at _____ before? You look familiar. ” You can avoid awkwardness by coming up to them and giving a friendly smile and handshake. Don’t immediately ask them a lot of questions. Instead just give them a little compliment or make small talk. Saying something as simple as, “Hey, I really like your shoes, where did you get them?” could potentially spark a longer conversation. If you two have any friends in common, ask the friend to introduce you. That will make the introduction more natural and the friend could work as a mediator for you two to get to know each other.
For example, instead of assuming they like video games or programming, simply ask them what their hobbies are. Be sure to ask follow up questions and show an interest in what they are telling you.
For example, skip the candlelit dinner date and ask them if they want to go to a cultural event, walk in the park, or any other activity that isn’t strictly all about romance. After all, at this stage you want to get to know them and for them to get comfortable being around you.
If you have any personal projects, such as drawing manga or gourmet cooking, share these interests with them! Perhaps you collect Pokémon cards, have a secret spot where you go to reflect, or have an unusual superstition (such as believing in aliens). Don’t be afraid to let your crush know about your quirks as they’ll get to know you better and being vulnerable can help develop a closer relationship. [4] X Research source
For example, every so often you can send your crush a funny video or a greeting on Facebook or Google Hangouts. Just be sure to not do this too frequently, especially if they don’t readily respond.
Instead of just waiting for your turn to talk, truly listen to what your crush is telling you. Ask follow up questions and add in little comments or even nonverbal cues (such as nodding your head) to let them know you are really interested. [6] X Research source Avoid making them feel like they’re being interrogated by offering information about yourself throughout. Do your best to carry on a conversation naturally, rather than posing one unrelated questions after another. [7] X Expert Source Lisa ShieldDating Coach Expert Interview. 13 December 2018. If you find anything in common, try to go deeper into that topic. For example, if you discover you share similar views on politics, continue talking about it and sharing your opinions. After a while, the conversation should start to naturally flow as you two get to know each other better. [8] X Expert Source Lisa ShieldDating Coach Expert Interview. 13 December 2018.
Making other people feel validated is crucial in any relationship and some nerds may have grown up being mocked for their skills or interests so be sure to distinguish yourself by doing the exact opposite. [11] X Research source
For example, if your crush tells you what their favorite books or movies are, read or watch some of them. That way, the next time you see them, you’ll have something to talk about and it’s also a great way to let your crush know you are interested in them.
For example, if you two are making small talk about the weather, you can throw in an interesting fact such as, “did you know that those stringy, fluffy clouds are called Cirrus clouds, and mean that it’s going to rain in the next 36 hours?” Another option is to occasionally rant about some of your passions. For example, if you love to read, tell your crush about the book you’ve been reading lately and your impressions of it. Your crush will likely appreciate that you have an intellectual side so that you two will have a lot to talk about and teach each other. Don’t be afraid to occasionally challenge your crush to a debate. Nerds love intellectually stimulating conversation so letting them know that you’re up for long discussions may make them more interested in talking to you.
With that being said, a nerd is less likely to be concerned with fashion. So, whether you’re a boy or girl, just focus on wearing clothes that are clean and look nice but aren’t necessarily the cutting edge of fashion. If you are a girl, don’t suddenly begin wearing more makeup whenever you see your crush. Putting on a bit of gloss or eyeliner that draws attention to your best features is fine, but your crush may be a bit confused by any drastic style changes.
Watch their body language. Men and women show they are interested in different ways. Nerds of both genders may be more likely to be flustered or nervous rather than being the type to respond smoothly to little shows of affection or compliments. If your crush is a guy, here are some signs that they are interested in you: going out of their way to do nice things for you, getting flustered or reddening when you compliment them, paying attention to you on social media (such as liking all of your Facebook profile pictures), and finding ways to get physically closer to you. [16] X Research source If your crush is a girl, the signs may be different and can include the following: leaning towards you when you speak, playing with their hair or clothes, and periodically flicking their eyes away before looking back into yours. [17] X Research source
If you two are already friends, let them know how you feel in a private, comfortable setting. You can begin the conversation by saying, “Hey, I just want to let you know it’s been great hanging out and I like you in a way that’s more than just friends. ” If they respond positively, you can follow up by asking them to dinner or even come up with a more creative date idea that you think they would like (such as a comic book expo if they read comic books). If they don’t respond or tell you they don’t feel the same way, don’t take it personally and tell them you’d be glad to remain just friends. If you are at the acquaintance stage, ask them if they have a moment to talk and casually ask them on a date. You can say, “I just want to let you know you seem like an interesting person and I’d like to get to know you better. Would you like to get coffee or have dinner sometime?” If they say no or don’t respond, you can be kind about it by saying, “It’s no problem, I just thought I would ask. Have a great day!” If you are the romantic type and aren’t afraid to show your feelings, try asking them out in a creative way. For example, you could give them a little present, such as a book that you think they would like, with a handwritten note saying you would love to talk about the book over a meal and some wine. Asking them out this way may relieve some of the pressure as they don’t have to immediately respond, and they’ll also realize that you care enough to know what their interests are.
If you don’t know your crush that well and they say no, you can make things less awkward by smiling and saying something casual like, “Cool, no problem, sorry if I bothered you!” If you two are already friends, emphasize that the friendship is important to you by saying something along the lines of, “I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable, I’m more than happy to just be friends too. ” Don’t ask them out repeatedly. Respect their decision and treat them with the same kindness and respect that you did before. After all, no one is ever obligated to like another person so if you are rejected, take it in stride and move on with your life.
