Encourage your in-laws to communicate with you. Invite them to “Tell me about life when you were growing up,” for instance.
Your in-laws are likely to be quite a bit older than you, and people tend to be less receptive to new ideas and invitations to change when they reach seniority. Respect their decisions and perspectives, even if you don’t agree with them. Try not to find fault with them. Do not create a long list of grudges that you regularly churn out when complaining to others or yourself about your in-laws. If your litany of issues becomes unmanageable, perhaps you should consider talking them through with your partner, and then, if necessary, with your in-laws directly.
For instance, if your mother-in-law constantly invites herself over at all hours, insist that she make arrangements before coming over. Talk to your partner about making the suggestion instead of doing so yourself; hearing that certain boundaries need to be set will sound better from your in-laws’ child than from you. Using the prior situation as an example, you might suggest to your spouse that he or she say “Mom, would you do me a favor? We love having you over to the house but need time to prepare for your arrival properly and ensure we have adequate time to devote to you. Could you please let me or my spouse know you want to come over before doing so? Thank you. ” If your in-laws offer advice on raising your children, you should listen patiently and think about it. They’re giving you advice from experience, and it might be worthy of real consideration. Thank them for their advice and inform them you will talk the matter over with your spouse. Later, in private, you and your spouse should decide whether or not to implement the advice your in-laws offered. If you choose to reject it, don’t rub it in their faces; simply don’t do it. Your in-laws are gracious and will let the matter should fade out.
When you change or adjust plans, do it with your in-laws consent. Don’t unilaterally cancel plans. [7] X Research source Don’t allow your in-laws to dictate what your family does. For instance, if you’ve agreed to Christmas eve dinner with them, you and your family should share Christmas day alone (assuming you want to). Inform your in-laws that “We had a really nice time yesterday at Christmas dinner; we wanted the kids to stay inside today and enjoy their new toys. ” If they are adamant about visiting, seek a compromise such as having your in-laws visit your family at your house.
Address your in-laws’ fears directly. They might not come right out and say they are worried about losing touch with their child, or losing their affection. Assure your in-laws, though, that you want them to remain an active part of your spouse’s life. You might encourage your spouse to assure them of this themselves, as well. Follow up on your promises. Visit your in-laws regularly with your spouse, and invite them to join you during family gatherings, holidays, anniversaries, and special occasions.
Visit your in-laws regularly with your spouse, and invite them to join you during family gatherings, holidays, anniversaries, and special occasions.
Give gifts at the time of anniversaries and any special occasions too.
If your father-in law enjoys golf, invite him out for nine holes. If he enjoys baseball, buy some tickets and invite him for some one-on-one time, or invite your mother-in-law along with your spouse for a full-on family outing. If your mother-in-law has a green thumb, head over to her place to help her weed her garden and plant seeds. When the harvest is ready, you can help pull the veggies up.
