Ask them what activities they might like to do together with you. For example, maybe they would enjoy playing a sport, going to the movies, going shopping, etc.
For example, you can ask them to tell you about their own childhood, or about how they felt when they found out they were going to have you. It doesn’t matter too much what you ask, the point is to spend time learning about them. This will also demonstrate to your parents that you are interested in them as people, more than you are interested in them as your authority.
This means looking them when they are talking, not interrupting them, and speaking clearly when responding. [2] X Research source If you’re not sure what they meant when they said something, try repeating back what you think they meant. [3] X Research source Respectfully ask for clarification if they have said something that you do not quite understand. If you are on your cell phone, listening to music, or on the computer, then stop what you are doing when they are talking to you. It can be really difficult to talk to someone when you feel that they are engaged in something else. Additionally, doing this demonstrates that you respect them more than whatever it is you’re doing.
Regardless of the topic, do your best to stay calm and be as logical as you can. Sometimes these conversations steer in the direction of conflict. If your parents have opinions that you don’t agree with, then understand that this is OK, and try to remain respectful.
Listen to what they have to say and don’t get offended. Critical feedback, regardless of who it is from, can often feel like a personal attack; however, remember that they are just doing their best to help you.
For example, if you wash the dishes after dinner, your parents will be reminded of how lucky they are to have you, and will be more willing to discuss matters that are important to you.
During these transitions, you will likely feel that they don’t recognize your independence, but try to remember that they are having to let go of their child to some degree, which is very emotionally difficult for many parents.
If you feel that they are open to it, try to explain the conflict from your point of view, too.
If it starts to become personal, consider taking a break, and beginning the conversation again later.
If you feel that they are open to it, try to explain the conflict from your point of view, too.
You may think it will seem weird to others if you don’t respond quickly; however, in this situation it is better to take time to construct a response than to just let whatever comes into your head come out of your mouth!
For example, go for a walk or a run, meditate, write in a journal. Whatever it is, make sure that it is something good. Punching a wall, for example, may help release tension, but it may harm you physically. Most likely, your parents will agree that it may be a good idea to take a break; however, if they seem to keep pursuing the fight despite your attempts to suggest a break, it may be best to simply walk away before the fight escalates even more!
Be aware that this step may not be suitable for many types of conflicts. However, for certain matters (e. g. religious differences) it may offer a good way out of a conflict that might otherwise damage your relationship.
If there are certain types of tasks that tend to lead to conflict, then do your best to avoid them. For example, if conflict tends to arise about the best way to paint a wall, then don’t offer to help them paint their house. Instead, make time to do something else, like have coffee together. In some cases, it may not be possible to schedule time to be physically together. In this instance, you can also schedule phone calls, or video calls using the computer. The important part is that you make time where you can casually chat with your parents about what is happening in your life, and that they can chat with you about their own lives.
It is nice if you can do a mixture of both actions and words. Occasionally, you can surprise them through a nice action; however, you should try to use kind words as often as you can, and ideally, always.
If your family doesn’t typically engage in physical affection, you can simply say, “thank you” and explain why you appreciate them. If you feel nervous about saying these things in person, you could also try writing them a letter. You can also be specific in your appreciation. For example, if your mother or father makes you an especially delicious dinner then say thank you, and tell them how much you enjoy it when they cook for you.
For example, you might set the boundary that your parents are not allowed to tell you how you should spend your money or where you should live, and your parents may set the boundary that you are not allowed to turn up at their home without calling in advance.
