We often try to impress people to make them like us. Instead of playing the ‘how awesome can I make myself sound’ game, speak honestly and genuinely about yourself when asked but try to keep the focus on the other person, which will make him feel valued. [3] X Research source Be able to summarize what your friend is saying. This shows you are really listening and he will appreciate that.
Using someone’s name in conversation makes him feel important, valued, and respected, and makes a lasting positive impression. For a difficult name, ask the person to help you pronounce it. Don’t feel embarrassed by it – he will thank you for caring enough to ask.
Showing empathy and even some vulnerability may help someone bond with you on a more intimate level of humanity. [5] X Research source Show acceptance. Life comes in all walks, all races, all orientations, and the more accepting and, better yet, supportive and appreciative you are of other people, the nicer you will be seen. [6] X Research source Be polite and considerate and have good manners. Don’t try to fix other people. When you hear his problems, your friend will appreciate you asking questions to help him solve his own problems. Ask open-ended questions starting with “how” or “why” to get him thinking. [7] X Research source
There are so many ways you can practice random acts of kindness. Donate your clothes to the homeless. Sit with seniors and keep them company. Let somebody in on the freeway. Pay it forward with a coffee. [9] X Research source
Sit leaning slightly forward with your arms casually at your sides. Crossing your arms gives off an appearance of being guarded and closed.
Asking questions about the people you are with makes the other feel special. Look at it like a detective game, where the goal is to pick up on clues and cues as to who the other person really is inside. You’ll take more interest in him this way, and the person you are talking to will really warm to you. [11] X Research source
Look between his eyes and the bridge of his nose, or just slightly to the side at his ear lobe.
You might think, for example, that your active-listening face shows you are intently paying close attention but an outsider may think you look stern or even angry. Always offering to help people may come from a place of generosity and friendliness but may be accidentally perceived as you thinking that your friends can’t do something well enough on their own. You might not know this, however, unless you ask. Guard your emotions, however, and be prepared in case you hear your friend bluntly tell you that you come off entirely different than you imagine. [14] X Research source
Being nice to everyone does not make you a doormat, however. You can still say no to people – you just don’t have to be mean to people in the process. [17] X Research source Be assertive and kind yet firm when saying no. Be brief, stating the reason you are declining someone’s request honestly but without elaborate explanations.
For example, be nice to your co-worker, even if you think he’s taking credit for your idea – maybe he had a really bad day and truly forgot to put your name on the contribution list. Explore why that person might not be acting kindly toward you. If you have reached an impasse that you cannot mend, you can still be polite and considerate, taking the high road. [19] X Research source
Many first impressions are based on competence and warmth. [20] X Research source
Spend your quality time with others wisely versus just trying to gain their approval by doing things for them. You will respect yourself more and they will, too.
Consider whether this person puts you down, makes jokes at your expense, and whether you feel happy or sad in this person’s presence. If you feel unhappy when you are with him, he might not be a good choice of friend. Detach from this person, don’t initiate contact, and put your effort into your healthy friendships instead. Be friendly, polite, and kind when you can’t avoid seeing this person and don’t talk bad about him to other people.
