If you’ve already had a big blow up and argued with your parents, then it’s important to cool down and regain control of your emotions before going any further.
Even if it doesn’t seem fair to you right now, understand that in the eyes of your parents what you did was unacceptable. Arguing that what you did wasn’t wrong won’t get you ungrounded. Owning your mistake is the best approach when you’re having a tough conversation with your parents.
No matter how harsh the punishment may seem, you need to know that your parents are just trying to do their job of helping you grow into a responsible and trustworthy adult.
For example, if you got grounded for bad grades, you might make a time management plan to help you better balance your schoolwork. If you got grounded for getting in a fight at school, then decide what you will do differently next time you end up in a confrontation with someone.
Don’t just say you’re sorry because that’s what your parents want to hear. Make sure you offer a sincere apology and admit that you know you did something wrong. Say something like, “I know what I did was wrong and I’m sorry. I want to learn from my mistake and improve my behavior. I’m really sorry and I hope you can forgive me. ” If you failed a test or project, you could say something like “I got a bad grade in math because I spent the weekend gaming and going out with friends. This is obviously the result of my responsibility. "
For example, you can say something like, “Can we sit down and talk about what happened and why I got grounded? I know I was wrong and I want to work on changing my behavior so it doesn’t happen again in the future. ”
For example, if you are getting bad grades because you don’t get along with a teacher or you are finding a particular subject difficult, you need to tell your parents so that you can figure out how to get through the situation or get the help you need. If you acted out in anger because somebody was bullying you, then this is another thing your parents need to know so you can prevent the situation from getting worse. Start by saying, “I need to tell you about a problem I’ve been having. ”
For example, if you got grounded because of bad grades, come up with a study plan to help you better focus on your courses so you can improve your grades in the future. If you got grounded for losing your temper, then you could talk about alternative ways to react when you are feeling frustrated or angry. Practice using these new methods the next time you get mad to show your parents you are learning from your mistakes.
Your parents might like the idea of a points system because you will be helping them out around your home as well. You can say something like, “I was wondering if we could come up with a points system together so that I could earn my way out of being grounded? I could do things like chores and do better at school to earn points. ”
For example, let’s say you decide you need 100 points to get ungrounded. Assign a points value to specific actions: 10 points for doing the dishes, 5 points for every completed homework assignment, 20 points for scrubbing the bathroom, etc.
You can divide up the chart into sections like: things around the home, school, pets, outdoors, and other actions. At the top of the chart put something like: “I must earn points to get ungrounded!”
It’s a good idea to make sure your parents know every time you do one of the tasks and fill out the chart together so that you both agree on everything.
