Prepare to have an open conversation about the problem. Your first step is to figure out your feelings. Ask yourself why you object to his watching porn. Is it a religious issue for you? Or is it against your moral code? Choose some words that describe how you are feeling. Be descriptive with words such as “frustrated”, “worried” or “nervous”. Make a list of the things you want to say. This will help you to stay on track during the conversation and make sure that you make your points clear.

Try to avoid having this conversation late at night or early in the morning. You two will not be at your emotional best if you are tired. Give him a heads up. Try saying, “I have something important to talk to you about. When is a good time for you?” Don’t rush the conversation. Choose a time when you know neither or you will be rushing out the door to work or being interrupted by the kids.

Try to use “I” statements. For example, you can say, “I feel very uncomfortable when you watch porn in our home. " These types of statements are more effective than “you” statements. Your husband will likely be defensive if you say something such as “When you watch porn, you make me mad. " Avoid eraser words. For example, try not to say, “I love you, but your porn habit is disgusting. " Eraser words like “but” negate everything that was said before “but”.

Ask open-ended questions. [5] X Expert Source Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFPClinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor Expert Interview. 2 October 2020. For example, you could say, “Why is it important to you to watch porn?” Make it a point to ask for further information. Try saying, “So porn makes you feel excited. Is there another way you could achieve that same feeling?” Ask for new information. Consider saying, “How do you see us resolving this issue?”

Use non-verbal cues. You can indicate that you are listening by maintaining eye contact and making gestures such as nodding your head in understanding. Try paraphrasing. You can say something like, “I hear you saying that this is a long-time habit. Is that right?” Show respect. Allow your husband to finish his thoughts and sentences without interrupting.

Allow yourselves time to reflect. Remember that your first conversation on the subject does not have to result in resolution. After talking to your husband, take a few days to think about how you feel. Were you able to effectively communicate? Do you feel at all better about the situation? Start thinking about possible solutions. Write down any ideas that you have. Writing things down can help you to gain mental clarity.

It is possible that your discussion of porn led to an argument. That’s normal. Many couples fight about what are called “hot button” issues. Take some time to cool down. Say to your husband, “This conversation isn’t productive right now. Let’s walk away and take a little time to breathe. " Make it clear that the discussion is not over. You can say, “This topic is important to me, so let’s revisit it tomorrow after we’ve both had time to gather our thoughts. "

Compromises can often be very useful in resolving marital issues. They can make each party feel like the other is helping to contribute to a solution. Figure out if you could handle a phased reduction of the porn viewing. For example, maybe you could say, “Are you willing to start by reducing the amount of porn you look at?” If you are willing to compromise, your husband will likely be willing to work with you. Eventually, you will likely be able to reach your goal of no porn.

Try making some changes to your sex life. Maybe you have been stuck in a rut lately. Make an effort to have sex at unusual times and in different places. For example, you could approach your husband in his morning shower. Talk to one another about your sexual desires. You can explain what you want and listen to what would make your husband happy.

Become emotionally intimate with your husband. This means being able to tell each other anything. Make it clear that no topic is off the table. Try saying, “I understand that sometimes you have an urge to look at porn. I want you to know that you can talk to me about how you are feeling. " Connect on a physical level. Physical intimacy is not just about intercourse. Be physically intimate by taking time to kiss and hug each day. Touch each other affectionately and do small things like hold hands.

Ask yourself how you are feeling about the progress you’ve made. Are you feeling good about the possibility of a compromise? How could you make the situation better? Do you want to have another conversation with your husband? Take steps to make yourself feel in control. Remind yourself that you are actively working on finding a solution.

You might go from feeling hopeful to frustrated in the span of one day. That’s okay. Don’t judge your feelings. Simply acknowledge them and move on. Consider keeping a journal. Writing down how you feel can be very cathartic. It can also help you track patterns in your emotions.

Find the right counselor. Ask your general physician to make a recommendation. Read online reviews. Look for a licensed therapist who specializes in relationship issues. Ask for a consultation. You want to make sure that you like the therapists approach and demeanor.

You can also seek out alternate sources of support. Perhaps you have a spiritual adviser like a priest or minister who could offer you some guidance. Lean on friends and family. It’s fine if you don’t want to give any details about your marital problems. But you can still say, “I’m going through a rough time, and I could use some extra care and attention. "