This is the same form of reverse psychology you might use with a kid and ice cream choices: “No, you don’t want the vanilla, it’s not very good. Get the chocolate. ” Techniques like this fit what you might call the “textbook” form of reverse psychology: telling someone the opposite of what you want to happen in order to get what you want.
For example: “Remember that time we went for a beach getaway? What a disaster that turned out to be! Just a sign of things to come, I guess. ”
Definitely try this strategy out on a guy who hates being told what to do! This is a bit like talking up broccoli as the most fun food to eat ever, but then telling your kid “too bad you said you’d never eat broccoli. ”
This one’s best used on an ex who lets his emotions take charge and who despises any feeling of being bossed around.
You might remember a parent using this kind of strategy on you in hopes of getting you to clean your room: “If this was my room I’d want to clean up this mess. But it’s your room and only you can choose how to keep it. I can’t make you do it. ”
Try saying something like this: “It’s too bad things never lined up right for us. You had your stuff going on, then I had my stuff—it’s like it just wasn’t supposed to happen. ” This tactic starts to bridge the gap between the “saying the opposite of what you want” and the “playing hard to get” varieties of reverse psychology. While the first variety is more effective if your ex tends to let his emotions take charge, the second tends to be more broadly effective.
With this strategy, you’re not really trying to get him to do the opposite of what you’re saying, but rather to want what he can’t have. But you’re still purposely acting one way to get him to respond in another way. This technique often works even if your ex is a more calm and rational type that isn’t as susceptible to more straightforward reverse psychology.
You’re walking a fine line here, since it’s possible your ex will just accept that you’ve moved on and that he has no chance to get you back. A guy who lets his emotions take control is less likely to give up and more likely to accept the challenge of getting you back. [9] X Research source
Why does this work? Doing someone else a favor is a sacrifice, and people tend to justify it by telling themselves that they must like the other person. How might this work in your case? Once your ex does you a favor, he might tell himself he must like you. If so, he might try to justify that feeling by getting back together with you.
Here’s an example of how to start an honest conversation: “Tom, I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I really wish we hadn’t broken up and that we could get back together. I know you might not feel that way right now, but can we talk a little about what I’ve been thinking and feeling?”
If you’re only relying on reverse psychology to keep things humming along, it’s as if your entire relationship is a falsehood. At some point, a healthy relationship requires open and honest communication, especially about differences of opinion.
