Most importantly, have respect for yourself. Treat yourself with respect and dignity. Don’t be in a relationship just because you’re lonely, and don’t let your partner walk all over you. For more information on how to respect yourself, check out How to Respect Yourself.
If your partner treats friends and family in a way you dislike, it’s likely that you and your partner have different values in how to treat others. It may be difficult to come to an agreement on how to treat each other in a way that feels good to both of you.
Think of all the values you have in a partner and in a relationship, then compare them with your reality right now. What are you willing to compromise with, and what are not unwilling to put up with? It’s unlikely you will meet someone who meets all of your “criterias”, so be willing to compromise in certain areas. [3] X Research source Remember it’s up to you where you choose to compromise.
Ask yourself about what the relationship fulfills for you, and what it fulfills for your partner.
If you are unclear about nature of the relationship, or you are unclear about how your partner’s feels, talk about it.
If you’re upset with your significant other, write down some examples of the behaviors that you are not comfortable with. Make sure that you have a clear understanding of the issues you would like to address and how you want to address them.
Communicate openly and be kind in your interactions. [6] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Instead of attacking your partner or putting him or her on the defensive, say something that shows you appreciate your partner or give a compliment first. From there, you can steer the conversation into things that each of you can change.
To avoid blaming your partner, use “I” statements. [7] X Research source For instance, instead of saying, “You ignore me all the time,” say, “I feel really hurt when you’re emotionally distant from me. It feels like you don’t want to be around me. ”
If your significant other’s lateness really bothers you and it makes you feel disrespected, bring this up with him. Instead of blaming him, put the emphasis on how it makes you feel. Say, “It really bothers me when you’re late all the time. It makes me feel like you don’t value my time. I would like it if you put more effort into being on time, please. ”
Say, “I want to hear what you say, but right now I would like to talk and have you listen. Then we can switch roles. ”
Setting time boundaries can also be helpful. For instance, you may start a serious discussion then realize you need to leave to pick up your sister. Say, “I want to hear what you have to say, and I can give you all of my attention in 5 minutes. ” Or say, ”If you put and rinse all of the dishes in the sink by 8pm, I’m happy to wash them. ”
Take up the mindset that relationships can benefit personal expansion, and that making compromises and changes that benefit each person helps you grow and meet the needs of both yourself and your partner. [11] X Research source
Yes, it feels awful if your significant other cheats on you or hurts you in another way. But think about how you’re treating him now after the event. Are you treating him in a loving and respectful way? If you cannot treat him respectfully now, you may want to consider if the relationship is worth it.
If you’re both invested in the relationship, then it’s imperative that you find compromise and cooperation on these sensitive topics. [13] X Research source For instance, if you disagree on how much time you spend with in-laws, agree that you will go to family functions every other time, while your partner can choose to go to every one.
Remember that you can’t change someone. If you find yourself waiting around for your significant other to change or you find yourself making excuses for him or her, this may be an indication that this isn’t the best option for you.
