Try new settings to see if your child prefers them. For example, if your child struggles at the playground, try taking them to play in a field or at someone’s house. Change up the groups that your child is exposed to. See if they prefer play one-on-one, in small groups, or in large groups.
For example, when your child shares a toy, you can say, “That was a really polite thing to do. When we share, other kids get to have the same fun as you did!” Always talk about the results of their behavior. For example, have them give a gift to someone and say something like “Look how happy your sister is! She loves this picture you colored so much!” Never criticize or shame your child for being shy. Instead, focus on praising positive behaviors.
If you have other children, encourage sharing between siblings. Ask your child to lend a toy or give part of a treat to a sibling, and offer praise for any attempts at sharing. Similarly, ask older children to share with your toddler and thank them for their efforts. If your toddler does not have siblings, you can share with them yourself. Practice sharing food, toys, or other items. Thank your child when they share with you. Make sure that you are also modeling good sharing behavior with other people. Encourage your parent, family members, and other children to do the same.
Pause occasionally in the book to ask your toddler what they would say or do. Encourage them to share their feelings as you read. Some classic books include The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister, The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein, or The Little Blue Truck by Alice Schertle.
You, your partner, or the child’s sibling can act as the child’s playdate. Model good behavior, such as how to share or how to say “please and thank you. ” You can also use puppets, stuffed animals, or dolls to act out social situations.
For example, you could have your child help you when you set the dinner table. Ask which plates and cutlery to use, and show that you value their opinion. Thank them afterwards for their help. Play with your toddler 1-on-1 or encourage siblings to play as well. Your toddler may feel more comfortable and eager to play with their family. This will teach them how to play with others. Family activities outside of the home, such as grocery shopping or going to the beach, can make your child feel more comfortable in public.
When you have guests over, keep your toddler out with you. Be a good host. Use phrases like “please” and “thank you. ” This will show your toddler proper behavior. Introduce your toddler to your friends. They may be a little shy, but this can help them warm up to other people.
This is also a good opportunity to teach your toddler about the role of a host. Explain that it’s important to be kind and generous to guests.
Remember, you can always rehearse the playdate with your child through role play before it occurs.
Ask your toddler if they have someone they want to invite over. If they can’t think of anyone, consider your friends with children around the same age or call the toddler’s school or daycare. Ask the teachers if they know anyone who might want to come over.
Put away your child’s favorite toys before the playdate. For toddlers, it may be too much to expect them to politely share their favorite things. Suggest social activities, like board games aimed at very young children or imaginary play using costumes and toys. Some great toys for playdates include playdoh, blocks, or dolls and figurines.
Always supervise the children. If your child misbehaves or acts rudely, take them aside and gently correct their action. For example, you might say, “When you hit other kids, they may get hurt. You should say sorry. ” Give the kids suggestions if they seem bored. For example, you might say, “Do you want to go play with the bouncy ball in the backyard?” or “Why don’t we get some paper out and draw?” If the other child’s parent stays over, make sure they’re involved too.
Ask them how well your child plays with others. You may want to ask if your child has a particular friend or if they often play alone. Ask the teachers if your child has any anger or shyness issues. Try to encourage the teacher to be as honest as possible. Have an open conversation about what you both can do to encourage your child to be more social when they are away from home.
For example, if they like animals, ask them to pick their favorite stuffed animal. If they like cars, let them choose a truck. For show and tell, talk with your child about their favorite thing to do or what they’re most interested in. Have them bring in something that reflects that interest. For example, if your child loves art, they can bring in some of their paintings.
Role play can also help you uncover your child’s anxieties or problems at school. For example, if your child acts out a bullying scenario, you may want to check in with their teacher to see if anyone is picking on them in school.
Explain how to be brave when someone is mean to your child. Give them a phrase to say like, “Please stop it” or “Hey, that makes me feel bad. ” With young children, this may be enough to stop the behavior. Tell your child to ignore the behavior. Make sure your child knows that it never okay to hit, bite, or kick another child, even if they were being mean. If the bullying continues, instruct the child to tell an adult, such as a teacher, parent, or childcare worker.
This is a great thing to role play with their toys. Ask your child to introduce their toys to one another.
If your child does start playing with others, keep an eye on them in case there’s a fight or they start playing too roughly.
If your child is reluctant to play in public, giving them an “out” like this can make it seem less scary. At first, they may not want to play for long, but slowly, they’ll become more confident.
For example, you might say, “I noticed that you asked some other children to play. It looked like you had a great time. "
If your child really gets along with a new friend, try to find their parent or guardian. This may be a great opportunity to set up a playdate with someone new!
