For instance, if you found out that your boyfriend was out with another woman, you might start by asking him something like, “Why didn’t you answer the phone when I called you earlier?” If he says he was at work, you could say, “No you weren’t, because I called there too. ” If you know your teenager took cash out of your wallet, you could say, “Where did you get the money to go to the movies last night?” Be careful of accusing someone of something they may not have done. If they get blamed when they haven’t done anything, they might start to feel like they might as well do whatever they’re accused of.
For example, if you’re trying to get your spouse to apologize for being irritable, you might say, “It’s not the first time you’ve snapped at me. Remember the other day when you said. . . ?" Only do this when you absolutely must, since it opens the door for the other person to bring up things they feel you’ve done to hurt them as well.
Say something like, “How can you say you love me and then lie to me?” You could also say “It really hurt my feelings that you forgot my birthday. Don’t I matter to you?”
If someone takes something from you without permission, you could say, “After everything I’ve given you, how could you steal from me?” You might also say something like, “I guess it didn’t mean anything to you that I brought you flowers the other day, since you want to pick a fight with me today. " You could also say something like, “I’ve cooked dinner for you every night for 5 years, but you can’t remember to pick up a carton of milk on the way home?” Overdoing this can actually make the person less grateful over time, since whenever you do something nice for them, they’ll be wondering how long it will be before you throw it back in their face.
For instance, if you want your boyfriend to apologize for texting another girl, he might try to make you feel guilty for going through his phone. In this case, you could say something like, “Well, it turns out I had a reason to be suspicious, didn’t I?” Even if you lose your temper, you can say something along the lines of, “I wouldn’t yell if you didn’t make me feel like this!” Refusing to admit when you’re wrong might be an effective technique for a guilt trip, but it’s not a good approach to having a healthy relationship.
Play on the other person’s emotions, as well. Use words like “disappointed,” “selfish,” and “ashamed” to fuel their internal guilt.
For instance, if you want a new phone, you might start off by saying, “Hey Dad, check out my report card! I only got one B this whole year!” If you’re trying to get someone to donate to your charitable organization, you could list some of the good things the charity has done to help the community.
For instance, if you want your parents to take you out to eat, you might say, “I was really hoping we could go somewhere and spend time as a family, but I guess that’s not important. " If you want a new outfit, you might say, “I feel embarrassed because my clothes aren’t as nice as the other kids at school. ” Use exaggerated language like “always” and “never” to further your point. For instance, you might say, “You always work, and you never spend any time with me. ”
For instance, you might say “Don’t you want me to be happy?” or “By helping me, you’d be making yourself feel good, too!” You could also “Don’t you love me?” or “If you really loved me, you’d. . . " Keep in mind that your parents actually do love you, and exploiting that for something small is a mean manipulative trick. It might be effective, but it also might make them mad.
If they say no the first time, say something like, “I know you said no, but think about it like this. . . " You could also wait a few days, then say, “I wish you would reconsider letting me drive your car this weekend. ”
