While silence may be beneficial in the moment, do make a point to address the issue at a later time, especially if it’s something that has hurt you or offended you. The silence is a temporary approach that shouldn’t be prolonged. Don’t let anyone bully you into speaking if you choose not to speak. However, it can be beneficial to state that you are choosing to remain silent. Say, “I’m having a hard time controlling my emotions right now, and for that reason I’m choosing to stay silent. Let’s talk about this later when we’re both more calm. " Sometimes, it’s not a good idea to use the silent treatment in a relationship. If you’re using silence to punish someone or manipulate behaviors, it ultimately prolongs and does not resolve the issue. [1] X Research source
If the person keeps engaging, simply tell him you are not willing to engage at this time. Say, “This isn’t something I want to talk about at this moment” or “I’m not in an emotional space to talk about this constructively. Let’s talk later. ” Be aware that silence can anger someone, and this person may begin to demand a response, or escalate his or her actions to protest your silence.
Again, you can alert this person to your silence. Say, “This isn’t a good time to talk. Let’s revisit this in the future. ”
In fact, you don’t even respond non-verbally. You don’t make a movement to acknowledge the person spoke, for instance, such as turning your body or face. If you do, it gives the person an in. [5] X Research source If the person keeps talking, you can ask to talk to the person later when you have both calmed down. For instance, if someone in a meeting keeps trying to bring up the same topic, you could say, “Thank you for that information, but right now isn’t the time for it. Can we talk about that later?”
If you work with this person, avoid eating at the same time for lunch breaks. If this is a classmate, sit further from him or her. If it is your family member, plan activities to do if you think you may be home at the same time.
Monitor your facial reactions and eye contact. Many emotions are evident on the face, so try to react as minimally as possible. [8] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
For instance, if you’re out in public and do not want to start arguing, you can say, “This isn’t the time or place for this discussion. I refuse to talk about it further until we can better engage this. ”
If your parent threatens hysterics on account of something you may do in the future, or if your partner threatens drastic behavior if you leave, calmly disengage from the situation.
If this person keeps pressuring you, you can say, “I’m doing my best not to say anything that may hurt or offend you, and it’s best that I say nothing at all. "
It’s best to ignore the comments, not let them emotionally affect you, and move on.
You may try to explain things or make a defense for your actions. Many times it’s best to say nothing and move on. When in an intense argument, it can be beneficial to shift your attention to fully listening to the other person. The other person will see that you are attentive and being heard, and may begin to calm down. Monitor your own emotions and keep from saying things out of anger.
As an example, you could say, “I really want to talk about this situation with you. However, my emotions are running really high right now. Can we come back and talk about this in an hour when I feel more calm?”
Regularly using silence as a way to retaliate is not a way to solve problems, and can build up resentment in the other person. If you notice yourself engaging in this behavior, approach the person and break the silence.
If you’re ready to move forward, say, “Can we take a moment to talk about this problem? I’d like to work it out. " If your arguments often get sidetracked, you can take a moment, write your feelings on a piece of paper, and then trade papers. That way, you can express your emotions without interruption or being sidetracked.
For example, if you’re unhappy because your spouse has come home late again, you could say, “I feel anxious when you don’t come home on time and don’t call. I fear for your safety, and I miss your company. " That’s a better thing to say than “You’re never home on time, and I hate it. " The first one opens a discussion. The second one places blame.
To compromise, find your core concerns first. Then brainstorm ways to meet the needs with both of you benefitting.
Actively listen to what the person is feeling and thinking, and show him or her that you are listening by summarizing what they’ve said every so often and asking relevant follow-up questions.
