Practice your active listening skills. Make eye contact when someone is talking, nodding your head along to encourage them. Repeat and summarize what they’ve said, and encourage them to talk more. Sometimes, it’s helpful to give a little gossip of your own to help get someone talking. If a friend seems bothered by some problem, say something like, “You know, I’ve been feeling the same way. Tell me how you’re feeling” to get them started. Then just keep talking about them instead of circling back to you.
Pay attention to body language when someone talks to you. If someone is shifty, uncomfortable, and won’t make eye contact, it likely shows that they’re feeling uncomfortable about a topic you’re discussing. Ask leading questions to keep them talking. “What happened next?” or “And then what did he say?” will help to keep the gossip rolling, even if the other person doesn’t want to talk. Be insistent.
Added bonus: If you have a friend who is always blurting out secrets, it makes it easier to blame gossip on them, if necessary. If your friends are unable to keep secrets, keep your own secrets under close lock and key. Be very careful you don’t go from gossiper to gossiped-about. Women often get an unfair reputation for being the gossipers of the world. In truth, studies reveal that men are slightly more willing to gossip, especially when it comes to workplace rumors and conversations. [1] X Research source
Pro tip: Wear ear buds or headphones when you’re sitting somewhere in public, and pretend you’re listening to something and can’t hear. People will talk more freely if they think you’re not able to hear what they’re saying.
If you know a couple train-wrecks, set your phone to send you a notification any time that person posts something, or change your settings to promote that person’s stuff. Be sure you don’t miss out on any ridiculousness. When someone posts a big batch of pictures, make sure you look through it for signs of potential gossip. Where did they go? Why? What’s going on there? Try to come up with good answers.
When you approach some gossipy territory in a conversation, start looking over your shoulder, as if you’re worried someone will hear. Ask if the other person has heard the news first. If they haven’t heard, make a worried face and wring your hands. Say, “Oh, well, I really shouldn’t say. It isn’t right to gossip. " When you get ready, lean in close and start with, “Well, now, you didn’t hear this from me. . . " Your audience will be locked in.
If your good friend told you something in confidence, don’t tell all your other friends. Instead, tell someone at work. If someone at work did something super-embarrassing, don’t tell all your coworkers, tell your friends. When and if the gossip does eventually get around, everyone will forget who they heard it from originally, most of the time, but you want to be sure to distance yourself from it as much as possible.
This goes for gossiping online, even more so. Private messages of gossip? Ok, maybe. Posting on your own, or someone else’s board publicly? Just don’t.
If you know someone at school just made out with someone else, you don’t have to say so to spread it around. Try this: “Did you hear about James and Janet last weekend? I heard they got pretty up close and personal. Not that you heard it from me. "
If you’re not sure something you’re discussing is true, or is harmless, then keep your mouth shut. There’s no need to spread it around.
Usually, you can always trust your parents. If you really need to talk to someone about something, talk to them. However old you are, however old your parents are, that’s an important part of a parent-child relationship.
Social networking can be a great way to find good stuff to gossip about, but not necessarily a great place to spread that gossip. Never do it publicly. Be careful about texts, too. Text messages can be forwarded and can be copied. Including pictures. Keep that stuff pretty guarded.
Make a rule to only talk about people who are present. If someone isn’t there, don’t talk about them behind their back. Another good gossiping rule: Never lie. No two-facedness. Don’t tell someone something when you’re gossiping and then tell them something else later. That’s what gives gossip a bad name.
